


three's a crowd

by alateni



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Hurt and comfort, Other, University AU, brief mentions of some thoughts that could be considered depression?, i don't know how to use that tag, it wasn't my intention it just kind of came out that way, kind of, not really - Freeform, platonic more than anything, platonic ot3, please be kind to seokmin he deserves it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 11:29:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14519550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alateni/pseuds/alateni
Summary: It’s not a big deal. Seokmin doesn’t think it’s a big deal. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. And yet, and yet Seokmin makes it a big deal. It’s just, sometimes he’d like to be included.





	three's a crowd

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, I didn't intend for it but there are self-deprecating thoughts and mentions of things that could allude to depression so be careful of that if you are triggered by that.

Seokmin lays in bed. He stares up at the ceiling, rolls over, and then stares down at the floor. There’s a little ball of dust right in the corner, next to his bed leg. He should vacuum sometime soon, but it’s the weekend and he’s lazy. Instead, he rolls back over and finds the coldest part of his bed – and lays some more. Sometime later, he reaches over, groaning as his muscles scream at him for being too sedentary, and grabs his phone. It falls, landing beside his face instead of on it – luckily – and he stares at it for a couple of seconds.

Finally grabbing it, Seokmin turns it on, scrolling through the influx of notifications. It’s summer, the first couple days of it really, and that means everyone is out partying – happy that another semester of school is over. It’ll die down after a while, when people get tired and realize they had whole four months to fuck around. For now, though, Seokmin has to deal with too many Snapchat stories he doesn’t care about and too little actual physical contact with his friends.

Speaking of which, Seokmin checks his messages. There’s nothing, not that he’s expecting much. Most of his friends knew he never got out of bed before 1 PM on a good day, and considering it was around noontime, he’s actually doing pretty good. Realistically, he knows he should get out of bed, maybe wash his face and walk around – do _something_ with his time, but he doesn’t. It’s a lazy day, and he doesn’t really want to move.

Regardless, he sits up. That doesn’t mean he’s getting out of bed, but it does make him feel a bit better. Scrolling through his phone, Seokmin checks his social medias – and then stops. And stares. An uncomfortable feeling settles in his stomach. He tries to ignore it, to rationalize it, but it doesn’t stop the bitter taste in his mouth. There, on Minghao’s Instagram story, is him and Mingyu, at a café. Not just any café, the specific café Seokmin told them he wanted to try. Without him.

Seokmin puts his phone down. It’s okay, it’s not a big deal. Maybe they were walking around and just happened to see it and went in. That’s okay. People do that. But then why didn’t they invite him…? Seokmin frowns. He’s not that far away from them. Maybe a bit too far to hit up randomly but still. They knew he wanted to go.

Seokmin lays on his back and stares up at the ceiling. Mingyu and Minghao… they had always been pretty close. Well, all three of them are. They met the first week of first year and were inseparable since. They even live together, off campus in a quaint apartment Mingyu chanced upon. Usually, the three of them stay in that apartment year-round. Practical, considering Minghao is an international student and Mingyu lives three hours away.

Seokmin, on the other hand, lives just under an hour away – meaning he went home for most holidays and vacations. It never bothered him, at least not before. He’s close enough that the three of them can get together and hang out often enough, even when Seokmin went home. However, he supposes distance does make an impact. Minghao and Mingyu live together in that apartment for at least four months every year, they’re bound to get closer. Without Seokmin.

He can’t really blame them. They had always matched well, and even though Seokmin is the one who introduced the two, they hit it off immediately. It wasn’t a big deal at first. Seokmin has other friends too, it’s not like he has to hang out with them all the time. But lately, it’s getting too much. Even amongst friends, he’s starting to feel like a third wheel.

It goes beyond the two of them hanging out without him. It’s the shared jokes, the laughter, the looks, the silent communication that leaves Seokmin without explanation. It’s Minghao calling Mingyu first, joking that he missed him back when Minghao went home that one summer. Missed him, but not Seokmin. Even though Seokmin had been sitting right next to Mingyu the entire length of the phone call. It’s Mingyu always asking Minghao first, and then extending the invitation to Seokmin. Like he didn’t matter. Like he’s the second choice, the back up.

He knows it’s not like that. Mingyu and Minghao told him, multiple times that he’s welcome to join them whenever. But it doesn’t help the loneliness. The separation. The forced smiles when he walks back into the apartment and finds Minghao and Mingyu tangled together on the couch, watching a drama that they all promised to only watch when _everyone_ is present. He brought it up before, back when they first moved into their new apartment. Even then Seokmin noticed how he’s usually accidentally excluded. It had ended in hugs, apologies, promises to do better, even a little bit of crying on Mingyu’s end – but had it really changed? Maybe it had, for a little bit. But Seokmin feels like it didn’t really get much better.

Sighing, Seokmin lays back down. He puts his phone away, far, far away from him. He closes his eyes. Maybe he’s thinking too much. It isn’t that big of a deal. Friends hang out with friends all the time. It’s not like his friends can’t have their _own_ friends, and sometimes friends hang out without you. It stings, and makes Seokmin feel kind of shitty, but he supposes that’s his own fault. He’ll just have to suck it up, move on, get rid of that icky, bitter feeling in his stomach himself. Seokmin sighs, curling up. The feeling won’t go away, no matter how much he wishes for it. No matter how many times he says he’s fine with it. The feeling never really goes away, but he can numb it with sleep at least. And so, Seokmin does just that.

 

 

**From:** Gyu

Seokmin?? Are u ok??  
_[Sent 3: 02 PM]_

Minnie…?  
_[Sent 6:17 PM]_

I hope things are alright >_<  
_[Sent 11:52 PM]_

 

**From:** Hao

Minnie? How are things? Just checking up on u  
_[Sent 7:48 PM]_

Hey do u want to hang out on Saturday?  
_[Sent 1:52 AM]_

Seokmin? Did I do something wrong?  
_[Sent 9:15 AM]_

 

 

Seokmin doesn’t mean to do it. To ignore them. It just kind of happens. It starts with Mingyu sending him a Snapchat of him and Minghao at the café. A simple caption, Seokmin doesn’t remember it very well but he thinks it says something about how Minghao is being annoying again. It hurts, just a little, to see that the two of them didn’t think much of going to try out something Seokmin had shown interest in. Seokmin ignores the Snapchat. He doesn’t send anything back. He doesn’t reply to Minghao’s Snap either – taken a little while later, of the two of them by the river. He doesn’t contact them at all, just sends his nightly streaks – a simple time stamp on a black background – and falls asleep again.

It happens the next day, with Seokmin only replying to them with simple, clipped responses. After a couple of days, he stops opening their messages altogether – personal or group chat. A small part of him is angry, irrationally so. He’s angry that they don’t see that he’s uncomfortable, that he’s bitter. It doesn’t make sense, they’re not mind readers and they’re not even physically together. But Seokmin hopes, hopes that somehow, he won’t have to say anything yet the message will still get across. That he’s tired. That he’s mad. That he’s sorry he’s so dramatic but he can’t help but feel left out.

Then, there’s another part of him that gains satisfaction from it all. It makes him sick, but a small voice in his head tells him not to reply. Let them know how it’ll feel if he left their lives. Show them how it feels to be excluded. It makes him wonder whether or not they’d even care. If he doesn’t reply, will they even notice? Are they so wrapped around each other that they don’t even realize he isn’t talking to them anymore? It’s a thought he tries to stay away from. Tries to steer his mind in another direction, but when he’s laying in bed at night, trying to go to sleep, it creeps up on him. Maybe he’s more disposable than he thinks he is. Maybe they’re only friends with him because they pity him and need one more person to pay rent. Maybe he isn’t really as important to them as they are to him.

Seokmin shakes his head. Nope. Bad thoughts. Stay away. They will not harm me any longer. Instead, Seokmin looks down at his phone. He should say something. Reply to them. Tell them it’s not their fault, it’s his. He’s sorry that he’s so insecure. That he can’t even let his friends hang out once without him. But he can’t, it’s that evil part of him again. Goading him into putting his phone away. It tells him to put his shoes on, go meet up with his high school friends that he doesn’t even really like, and then post a picture of them on Instagram later that night. The caption is written in spite. Seokmin isn’t usually a shady person, but he’s bitter. He’s sad. He’s lonely. And so, it happens. A series of pictures, of him and his friends, from high school and university –without any trace of Mingyu or Minghao. It’s posted right around the time Seokmin knows Minghao checks Instagram, with a simple, but telling caption. “Here’s to the people I know I can always count on.”

 

 

Seokmin knows it’s gone on for too long when Mingyu calls him. He knew it would be Mingyu. For all the bravado that Minghao puts on, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s a sensitive romanticist, one that has trouble dealing with his own feelings, much less someone else’s. A tsundere is what Seokmin’s anime-loving ass compared him to the first time they met. Mingyu on the other hand, is surprisingly way more emotionally stable – compared to Minghao at least. Mingyu takes a while to realize what he wants. He’s kind of wishy washy like that, flittering between choices and his own insecurities. Once he understands what he needs to do though, he’s set on it and won’t stop until he finished. It makes him both a great partner and a terrible procrastinator.

In any case, Seokmin sure isn’t brave enough to face the two of them, so it’s up to Mingyu to make the first move. Seokmin ignores the call the first time it happens. He misses the second one, having been cleaning, and stares now, at the third call. He considers missing it, putting the phone down and making himself something to eat instead, but he knows that it’ll only makes things worse. As of right now, he can still pretend nothing happened. He can pick it up the phone, tell them he’s been busy with family stuff, and they’d leave it alone. At the same time though, Seokmin doesn’t want to sweep this under the rug. He wants to confront the situation now, with genuine feelings, because he doesn’t want the rest of their friendship to be tainted by things left unsaid. Unfortunately, that also means he has to pick up the phone.

“Hello?” he says, unsure. He considers slamming the phone to the ground, breaking it so he won’t have to deal with it anymore, but before he can, a voice speaks on the other side of the line.

“Oh my god he picked up.”

“Shut up Minghao.”

Seokmin smiles. Even though he was mad, it’s been a long time since he heard their voices. Even if he’s bitter, he can’t help but miss them. After all, it’s because he didn’t get to spend as much time with them that he started ignoring them. Kind of counter productive, he realizes now. Ignoring them and making the gap between them even larger won’t bridge it. Alas, what’s done is done. Seokmin can only hope they’ll take him back.

“Hi Gyu, Hao,” Seokmin says. It’s soft, more like a whisper than anything. Seokmin isn’t even sure the others hear it over their bickering, but they do. They do and they quiet down. It’s so silent, almost stifling, but Seokmin knows it’s because no one’s really sure what to say. “I’m sorry for ignoring you.”

“No, it’s me,” it’s Minghao’s voice, Seokmin realizes he’s probably on speakerphone. Mingyu hates having the phone pressed to his ear.

“You don’t even know what you did,” Seokmin replies, a smile gracing his face. What was he thinking? He can’t be mad at these two. They didn’t even know what they did wrong, yet here they were, apologizing. Maybe it really was all in Seokmin’s head.

“But that means I did do something wrong,” Minghao says. He pauses, hesitant, and Seokmin waits. A minute passes, or at least, it feels like it does, before Minghao continues. “Does it… does it have anything to do… with your Instagram post?”

Seokmin pauses. He doesn’t want to say it. Even if it is, Seokmin doesn’t want to fan the flames. It’s not a big deal. It’s just him. He can get over it. Mingyu and Minghao don’t have to worry. They shouldn’t have to change themselves because Seokmin can’t deal with a little bit of hardship.

“Seokmin, I know you, have this tendency,” Mingyu breaks through his thoughts. “To keep things to yourself. You don’t like to bother other people with your problems, and I just want to tell you that you’re never bothering anyone okay? I know that no matter how many times I say it, it probably doesn’t sound as sincere as I want it to be, but never belittle yourself okay? Even if you think your concerns aren’t important, or that it’s nothing big, it is. If it’s important to you, it’s important to us. Even if it’s something about your socks not matching–”

“–which is a big deal by the way–”

“Minghao shut _up_.” Seokmin giggles. Soft enough that it doesn’t interrupt Mingyu, but loud enough so that Minghao giggles on the other side as well.

“Now you’ve ruined my sentimental speech. Thanks.”

“You know I can’t stay serious for long Gyu.”

“It’s true, he can’t,” Seokmin laughs.

“I know,” Mingyu sighs, “God do I know. _Anyways_ , what I meant to say is that no matter how small your concern is, if it concerns you, tell us. You share the little, happy things about your life, why not the sad things too? Life isn’t just happiness you know, people are allowed to be sad, and you’re allowed to share the pain. Don’t just keep it to yourself.”

“Gyu is right,” Minghao adds on, “for once. I know, I know I’m not always the best at sharing my feelings. I get you Minnie, I know how it feels, to feel like you’re bothering everyone. And it’s hard to remind yourself that you’re not a bother, that you matter and that we’re here for you, but keep at it okay? Please?”

“I, I will,” Seokmin takes in a deep breath. “For one, I’m glad you guys ended up calling me rather than doing this over text. I mean, it would’ve been best for it to be done in person, but this is the next best thing. It sure makes things a lot more genuine.” Seokmin pauses, trying to find his words. “And well, I guess I have been bothered lately. You guys are really good friends, we all are, but sometimes I feel like I’m left out. It’s not a big deal, it’s just, sometimes I’d like to be included.”

Silence, Seokmin pauses. He wonders if he’s overstepping any boundaries. Maybe when Mingyu and Minghao said he can tell them everything, they didn’t _really_ mean everything. Before any more doubts can creep into his head however, there’s a voice speaking.

“I’m sorry,” Minghao whispers. It’s like he’s aware of how delicate Seokmin’s mind is right now and is being as cautious as possible. “I didn’t, I didn’t even realize we were excluding you.” Wow, that hurt. Seokmin physically flinches at the admission. While he kind of knew that was the truth, it didn’t make it any better for Minghao to out right admit it like that.

“That came out kind of mean didn’t it?” Minghao asks. He doesn’t even need an answer. “But you know me Minnie, I’m not one to sugar coat things. But listen… just because I didn’t know it was a problem doesn’t mean I can’t change things.”

“He’s right,” Mingyu sighs. He seems weary. Troubled. Seokmin hopes they don’t worry about this too much, he’s over it. Gone. It’s out of his mind. Sure, it’s maybe a bigger deal than he thought it was, but he’s good. They didn’t have to worry about him. Not anymore.

“Listen,” Mingyu continues, breaking Seokmin out of his thoughts. “I, I’m sorry. I know it probably doesn’t sound very genuine, and I don’t know how to say it so that it won’t sound fake, but I’m going to try a lot harder to not be… so ignorant of you okay Minnie?”

“Guys, it’s okay,” Seokmin replies. “I’m okay. I’m over it. It’s nothing much, just something that’s been bothering me lately. You don’t have to worry.”

“You’re belittling yourself again,” Mingyu comments. “Can’t you hear it? I can tell it’s a big deal. You don’t just not respond to messages Minnie, that’s not you. Maybe Hao would, he’s kind of petty like that, but you? Never you. That means it’s a big deal. And I know you don’t like confrontations but we’re not just going to sweep this under the rug – even if you want to. It’s a big deal, we need to talk about it. Communication is key, and I would really like to talk things out.”

“But,” Seokmin licks his lips. Mingyu is right. He hates confrontation the most. Hates fights, arguments, the angry feelings and silent tension. He’d much rather swallow his own pride, admit his mistakes (even if he isn’t the one in the wrong) and then go about life. But then again, life isn’t always sunshine and happiness. Mingyu has a point. He can’t go about his entire life pretending that things were fine. He blames himself for everything, Seokmin is aware of that. He just tries to ignore it – like he does everything else. But now, now Seokmin supposes he can start to share some of the weight. Even if it’s the bare minimum. It’s a start, not an end.

“No buts,” Minghao cuts in. “We’re going to talk about this, but we’re going to talk about this in _person_. You hear me? We’re coming to your house tomorrow whether you like it or not Seokmin. I know where you live. I know your mom. Your mom loves me, she’ll let me in.” It’s true. For reasons unknown to both Mingyu and Seokmin, Mrs. Lee has an unrivalled infatuation with Minghao. She even calls him her ‘son that never was’.

“Okay,” Seokmin lets out a breath, feeling tension relax from his shoulders. He still doesn’t think it’s a big deal, though a deeper part of him is laughing, saying that Seokmin is scared to confront the situation. It’s a coping mechanism, to pretend that things are fine and that he’s okay. That he’s entirely in the wrong, no one else should be bothered. That kind of thinking is wrong, he knows it is. Mingyu knows. Minghao too. They all remind him about it, but still, it’s hard to change a mentality. No matter how many times Seokmin tries.

“Noon, sharp,” Minghao voice brings Seokmin out of the depths of his mind – where the evil, sick part of him sleeps.

“You better be awake,” Mingyu retorts.

Seokmin smiles, “I will.”

They hang up soon after. Seokmin stares at his phone, a foreign feeling in his chest. It’s no longer unpleasant, though he feels immensely guilty for causing such a scene. Instead, the feeling is replaced with excitement. A fluttery, hopeful kind of feeling. For the first time all week, Seokmin puts his phone down and takes a shower. He cleans himself, from head to toe, humming and thinking about seeing Mingyu and Minghao tomorrow.

When he steps out of the shower, he looks into his fridge and frowns. There’s barely anything there, that can’t do. Mrs. Lee will definitely want to feed Mingyu and Minghao the minute they came over tomorrow, which means Seokmin is going to have to cook for them. He wonders if Minghao still dislikes bell peppers. If Mingyu still hates over easy eggs. It’s been a while since he cooked for them – finals reducing their meals to instant noodles and take out.

It’ll be fun, Seokmin thinks to himself as he slips his shoes on. Things will be fine. Minghao and Mingyu will come over tomorrow and they’ll talk – really _talk_ about things. Seokmin can finally stop feeling like he’s dragging them down. After all, if he’s going to forever feel guilty about things, at least he’ll be included. At least the weight will be shared. At least he won’t be alone with his thoughts anymore.

With a smile on his face, Seokmin steps outside of his house. He hums, a skip in his step, as he makes his way to the supermarket. He’s little overwhelmed, trying to decide what he should cook for Minghao and Mingyu. No, Seokmin pauses, falters in his step, before fixing his pace. Not for them, Seokmin reminds himself, for us. It isn’t Minghao and Mingyu anymore, it never was. It’s always been, and always will be, the three of them. Minghao, Mingyu, and Seokmin. Three’s a crowd, but they’d make it work. Seokmin believes they will.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, it is I, once again projecting onto Seventeen through my fics. Aha, what's new. Poor Seokmin, the boy really deserves better in every which way I'm sorry I made you suffer like this. It's not even that big of a suffering? I don't know. I've been kind of dealing with this lately so I felt the need to cope through writing - like most writers do I feel.
> 
> On a happier note (wow sorry to drag the mood down like that I just wanted to mention my inspiration behind the fic), I finally have more time to write and stuff. This means I'll try to be more active on AO3 after like... disappearing for 4 months (yikes). I also have something planned soon but I always say that so let's see if it really happens haha...
> 
> Reminder that you can find me (I'm much more active there) on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/alatenii) if you'd like!
> 
>   
> Hope you're smiling!  
> 
> 
>   
> ~ alateni  
> 


End file.
